During the early days of recovery, most folks feel sick and tired of being sick and tired. Their thinking is full of hopeless, destructive, negative thoughts that seem to take on a life of their own, sending the sufferer down the dreaded rabbit hole of self-harm. To them, there seems to be no way out.
When folks try to be helpful by saying things like “think positive!”, “Change your thoughts,” or “pause,” I want to scream because that has never worked before, and if someone is in a dark night of the soul phase, they are not going to respond well. While in the midst of a crisis, these words are not helpful; they are hurtful. When someone is stuck in a cycle of unhealthy thoughts, they already feel like failures.
As a teen struggling with anxiety and depression, my mother would have pamphlets all over the house about drug and alcohol use and flyers for suicide prevention in Plymouth in a facility nearby. While I could not hear what they were trying to tell me at the time, my mom and others planted seeds of hope that I would later water and watch bloom.
That being said, there are things to do to change your thinking patterns and try to start feeling better. Naturally this is not an overnight matter. With time and effort, you will get to a place where you are managing your thoughts instead of them managing you. It works if you work it!
- Acknowledge the thoughts
Acknowledge that you’re having negative thoughts. Period. Don’t try to push them away or tell yourself not to think about them. Instead, feel your feelings, but don’t live there.
- Reframe your thoughts
Are they really true? Do they help you in any way? Or are they just keeping you stuck in a cycle of negativity?
- Find a healthy outlet
Write them down, talk to a friend or therapist, or even take some time to yourself to process what you’re thinking and feeling.
- Practice self-compassion
Oh, this is so huge for me. Watch how you talk to yourself. Just watch for one day. If you’re like me, you’ll be shocked at what you find. We are much harder on ourselves than we would ever be on another person.
- Take things one day at a time
Focus on today. That’s it—just today. Tomorrow will take care of itself. And if today is too much, just take it one hour at a time or even one minute at a time. Be where your feet are!
- Make a plan
What are some things you can do to start feeling better? Write them down and refer to your list when you need to. Then, do one small task and control the crap out of it!
- Seek professional help
Seeking help is not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength. It takes courage to face your demons and get the help you need.
According to Psychology Today, “Negative thoughts can distract from what’s important, drain one’s energy, and cause anxiety and depression. Inaccurate thoughts reinforce negative thinking. Black-and-white thinking is one type of inaccurate thought, or thought distortion, that can be challenged,”.
Why negative thoughts come in mind
Spiraling negative thoughts are a result of overthinking, which tends to happen when we are lying awake at night with our mind in full-throttle mode.
At the time, our negative thoughts may seem wholly rational and logical hence why stepping back and seeing things objectively is difficult. Thus, connection with another sufferer who has found a way out is most beneficial and highly encouraged.
Sometimes, folks are more prone to anxiety and worry than others, which could be genetics, brain chemistry, or life experiences; either way, breaking the cycle of negative thinking is challenging but in reach with a lot of effort and practice. Be gentle and take it in bite-sized pieces. Someone asked me, “How do you eat an elephant,” and I responded, “How?” They said, “One bite at a time,”.
Connecting with a supportive community eases our burdens and offers new perspectives. Experiment with various self-help techniques, recognizing that what works for others may not work for you. Stay persistent, practice patience, and remember that progress is possible even in tough times.
Is it okay to feel hopeless?
A poignant illustration highlighting the seriousness of feeling hopeless is from a key scene in the classic movie “It’s A Wonderful Life.” The angels talk about George Bailey’s (main character) state of mind. The second-class angel asks, “Is he sick?” and the angel in charge answers, “No worse. He’s discouraged,”.
Everyone defines hope and hopelessness differently, but the feelings associated with them are very real. It’s normal to feel hopeless in response to personal or global events, but it’s also important to be aware that it can be a sign of conditions like depression. These emotions are valid and can affect our mental health, so it’s crucial to acknowledge and address them.
Fortunately, there are tools to utilize when you feel hopeless—no matter how bad things might seem, they can help at least momentarily:
- Consider that your brain might be lying to you.
- Argue the opposite.
- Think about what you gain from being hopeless.
- Consider what you could gain from developing hope.
- Engage In problem-solving.
- Reach out to a trusted friend,
- Make a plan (for what? Anything!)
- Take action
- Seek help
How do you change negative thinking in recovery?
In conclusion, if you want and need your life to change, change your thinking. As a wise friend once said, “Nothing changes if nothing changes.” You must first make a choice to take a chance, or your life will never change.
Remember, changing negative thinking in recovery takes time and effort. Acknowledge your thoughts, reframe them, and practice self-compassion. Take things one day at a time and plan to start feeling better. Seek professional help and find your tribe!