When my great-grandmother (Grammy) went beyond the in-home elder care and needed twenty-four-hour assistance, sadly, my grandmother (Nana) had to put her mom into a nursing home.
According to Alzheimer’s Society, “Alzheimer’s disease and other dementias have a deep impact not only those who are diagnosed, but also on the people who are closest to them. Family members have to take on different responsibilities when a relative is diagnosed with dementia. Sons and daughters of a parent with dementia may become caregivers and husbands and wives of the person with dementia see their roles change. They often find themselves in the role of primary caregiver.
As Alzheimer’s disease progresses, you or others in your family may find the changing roles tough to accept. It may become harder when roles change in some ways, but not in others. When this happens, it can lead to some confusion about how to act. It sometimes takes a while to figure out just who will do what,”.
When I was around seven years old, that is when Grammy had to go to the nursing home. My mom, the eldest granddaughter, took on the caregiver role for her beloved Grandma. With me in tow, we visited Grammy often and on a regular basis.
My memories of that nursing home were sad. Even more depressing was the fact that my Grammy could no longer speak English and cried out often in Italian for her deceased son, Salvatore. I wouldn’t wish this slow death on my worst enemy. It broke the whole family’s hearts to watch this courageous woman go down like this.
What causes dementia
Grammy led a difficult yet courageous life. When she was just seventeen years old, she boarded a boat in Sicily, slept in a cabin at the very bottom of the boat where the poor folks were put, and set sail for a better life in the United States of America, escaping the fascist government oppression of Mussolini.
Grammy landed in New York and, like all the European immigrants of those days, came through Ellis Island. All she brought with her was a single trunk with a few personal items, some clothes, five dollars, and the clothes on her back. While on Ellis Island, as she went through immigration paperwork, she was greeted by cousins who escorted her to Pennsylvania, where they lived.
She was supposed to stay with those cousins, but unfortunately, she was forced into a marriage with a bad man who mistreated her and forced her into having a child with him. The abuse went on for two years before she finally escaped and came to live with loving cousins here in Detroit, Michigan.
Regrettably, Grammy had to leave behind her two-year-old daughter with that horrible man as that family said they would kill her if she tried to take her baby with her.
While in Detroit, she met the love of her life, my biological great-grandfather. They married and had a loving home where they created three beautiful children together, in the following order:
- Great Uncle Salvatore
- My Nana Grace
- Great Uncle Andrew
Tragedy struck when my great-grandfather’s family made a deal with another family back in Sicily. They sold him off to this family as a husband for their daughter. He tried to fight and deny their request, but back in those days, you did not disrespect what the family ordered, nor were you allowed to say no.
Weeks later, they shipped my great-grandfather off to Sicily, where he was supposed to marry this woman and bring her back to the U.S.A. When they came back, he left the home with that woman as often as possible to be with the love of his life, my Grammy.
When that woman complained to her family and her new in-laws, my great-grandfather was told he was forbidden to see my Grammy. But his love for her wouldn’t let that happen, so he continued against their wishes. He did so until one day when the family attempted to murder my Grammy and her children in a drive-by shooting.
Fortunately, they were unsuccessful, but Grammy did end up suffering a gunshot wound to her left eye, which caused immediate blindness in that eye. The doctors could not remove the bullet because if they did, it would explode in her brain. She lived with that bullet in her skull until the day she passed on.
From that day forward, my great-grandfather stopped coming around, and Grammy continued to raise her three children as a single mom. Sorrowfully, my great Uncle Salvatore was stricken with a childhood disease and died at the young age of thirteen. My Nana was eleven at the time, and this crushed her as she deeply adored and loved her big brother.
But were these the causes of Grammy’s Alzheimer’s? Let’s see what the experts have to say.
The Mayo Clinic states that, “Dementia is caused by damage to or loss of nerve cells and their connections in the brain. The symptoms depend on the area of the brain that’s damaged. Dementia can affect people differently. Dementias are often grouped by what they have in common,”.
Well, possibly yes – that bullet and the trauma Grammy endured may have caused the tragic brain disease.
What age does dementia start?
Time went on, and my Nana married and started to have a family of her own. When Michigan was building the I-75 Freeway, they paid my Grammy a small lump sum of money (not half of what it was worth) and bulldozed her treasured family home for the means of progress. After which, my Nana, the good daughter she was, brought her mama home to live with her.
She had three children at the time (my mom’s youngest sister was not born yet), and having Grammy there to help was a Godsend for her as her pregnancy with my aunt was difficult. My aunt was born with a hole in her heart, so my grandparents spent a lot of time at the hospital for the first three months of her life while Grammy was taking care of the other three children.
Around this time, Grammy’s youngest son, Uncle Andy, disappeared, and despondently, no one ever found out how or what happened to him. To this day, I have searched for him to no avail. Add another check to the list of tragedies my Grammy endured in her lifetime.
Grammy ended up suffering from Dementia/Alzheimer’s by the time she was in her mid to late sixties. Grammy ended up suffering from Dementia/Alzheimer’s by the time she was in her mid to late sixties. The Mayo Clinic states that the risk of dementia rises as you age, especially after age 65 but is not a normal part of aging.
When Grammy was receiving nursing care, my mother would go and sing to her. They loved musicals and knew all the words to so many from beginning to end! It would be so calming to my Grammy, and she would hum along peacefully with her granddaughter.
It was truly beautiful what my mother did for her grandmother, whom she loved immensely. Music penetrated the invisible disease barrio and was good therapy for Grammy’s soul. Grammy’s suffering finally ended after seven years in the nursing home. The family was never the same.
How does dementia affect the family
In conclusion, Dementia doesn’t just affect one person—it reshapes entire families. It challenges roles, tests resilience, and deepens bonds. Through heartbreak and care, it teaches us the true meaning of love and legacy.