For adults who have struggled with addiction or alcoholism, asking for help is usually extremely difficult, as most were used to being self-sufficient, self-reliant, selfish, impulsive, and typically ran on self-will run riot. However, it is the first step in recovery because a degree of humility is a vital principle to remain clean and sober – one day at a time, of course.
Asking for help is a sign of strength, according to Psychology Today, because, “Life is, and always has been, a struggle. We live in challenging times with economic uncertainty, social upheaval, changing weather patterns, increasing community violence, and international conflicts. Coincidentally, or as a result of these adversities, we are retreating into loneliness, alienation, and interpersonal disengagement.
Research tells us that interpersonal support is the greatest predictor of human resilience. However, there is a problem. A significant number of people simply resist seeking support from others. Furthermore, some occupational and community cultures view seeking assistance from others in times of distress as unacceptable. Asking for help in times of crisis and distress is not only OK, I believe it is an obligation you have to those who care for you and depend upon you. They deserve no less. It may even be an obligation you have to future generations,”.
What is the importance of support in the recovery process?
Support in recovery is crucial. It offers emotional as well as practical assistance, increases accountability, and reduces feelings of isolation and loneliness.
In fact, in certain twelve-step recovery groups, with the help of another recovering person, twelve principles must be brought into the sufferers’ lives to create a happy, joyous, and free lifestyle without mind-altering substances or behaviors. Here are the twelve steps of recovery with their corresponding principles:
- Step One: Admission of powerlessness
- Principle: Honesty
- Step Two: Coming to believe a Power greater than oneself can help a person find a better life
- Principle: Hope
- Step Three: Turn one’s life over to the care of that Power
- Principle: Faith
- Step Four: Write a fearless inventory of mistakes, resentments, anger, fears, harms, and good qualities too.
- Principle: Courage
- Step Five: Share that inventory with that Power, oneself, and another trusted person who has also gone through this process – having a working knowledge of the Twelve Steps.
- Principle: Integrity
- Step Six: Become willing to have that Power remove the negative qualities and show you what the positive qualities are.
- Principle: Willingness
- Step Seven: Humbly ask that Power to do what one became willing for in Step Six
- Principle: Humility
- Step Eight: Become willing to write a list of harms
- Principle: Love
- Step Nine: Made direct amends to those harmed unless it will harm others or them more (with the guidance of that trusted person)
- Principle: Responsibility
- Step Ten: Continued to take personal inventory on a daily basis and when wrong, promptly admit it
- Principle: Discipline
- Step Eleven: Seek through prayer (quiet conversation) and meditation (quiet listening) with that Power, asking for guidance and strength
- Principle: Awareness
- Step Twelve: Share what one finds, give freely, and practice these Twelve principles in all areas of one’s life
- Principle: Service
After the Twelve Steps are listed in the book of Alcoholics Anonymous (affectionately nicknamed the Big Book), in Chapter Five, on page 60 in How it Works, they share, “Many of us exclaimed, ‘What an order! I can’t go through with it.’ Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress,”. Progress, not perfection.
At this point, most people new to recovery breathe a sigh of relief as they thought that becoming sober would require them to be perfect. Furthermore, their lives, which were once riddled with chaos and self-destruction, taught them that they needed to be perfect and self-reliant in order to be a successful member of society.
Upon learning that they will be loved unconditionally and helped by others who once suffered like they do, and that they never have to be alone again, they are quickly attracted to and naturally want more of this.
What is the purpose of having a sponsor?
Even after being in recovery for a few twenty-four hours, those seeking to live a life filled with peace and serenity must still ask for help in everyday situations. For example, recently I almost brought home a new puppy. Not just any puppy – a male Siberian Husky and Saint Bernard mixed puppy who is already over half the size of my sweet sixty-pound female German Shepherd, Labrador, and Pitbull mixed four-year-old dog named Lucy.
Lucy is kind, playful, and well-adjusted, who was born into a pack, as we also had her mom and dad. Unfortunately, her mom passed away from cancer a little over a year ago, and her dad went with my ex-husband in the divorce. By nature, alcoholics are impulsive and feel that if one is good, two are better.
Instead of just taking home that puppy, I called my sponsor to run the idea by her first. A sponsor is a trusted recovery guide who works the above-mentioned fifth step with and is sort of a mentor as well.
I was with some of my best friends at a cottage for our annual Girls Weekend when I called my sponsor, who is also a veteran dog owner. She brought up very valid points about how to make a huge decision, such as bringing home a highly active, extremely large, and dominating breed.
After thinking through the pros and cons, considering that the puppy still had not had any shots or vet visits and was living in dirty quarters, I made a thoughtful choice not to get the puppy. Had I not been in recovery and had only my friends to consult, I would have brought the puppy home and possibly given Lucy an infection or disease, losing both dogs, and ending in tragedy. Thanks be to my Higher Power for my sponsor!
Why is asking for help considered a sign of strength in recovery?
In conclusion, asking for help may seem daunting at first, but it is a powerful step towards recovery. Embracing support fosters resilience, growth, and a stronger sense of community, ultimately leading to a healthier and more fulfilling life.